HOW COME I DECIDED TO WRITE ABOUT THE SWEDISH BIKINI TEAM?

Well… it’s sort of a long story, hope you are up to this, if not just scroll down for the “good stuff”, hehe!

A while ago, I was watching the very last episode of this TV-series on Channel 5 here in Sweden, called “Welcome to Sweden”.

Hubby thought it was rather silly, as for myself, well, at first I thought “this will be a good show for him to watch” as it was about Swedish traditions and events - but everything seemed taken out of concept and was slightly twisted, I guess to “add entertainment”, and it started to feel just SLIGHTLY ridiculous.

We like straight facts, not silly “half truths” about things…

This series really had to be seen to be understood, but I will try my best to describe the whole thing:

The Swedish TV production company “Jarowskij” had produced the series, and they invited two Americans, Richard Kiel and Verne Troyer, to Sweden to give Swedish viewers an opportunity to see themselves through others’ eyes. “The whole idea was to bring someone over to look at our traditions and culture in Sweden from a different perspective.”

What was that? The names sound familiar?!?

Well…

Kiel and Troyer are actors, I have two commercials here for you, maybe seeing them will jog your memory…

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YouTube - Geico Commercial featuring Verne Troyer

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YouTube - Richard Kiel ,TV commercial for Sampo Mini Visa Card

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Yup – you got it - Kiel is best known for his role as Jaws in the 1977 Bond movie “The Spy Who Loved Me” and Troyer made his name as Dr. Evil’s “Mini-Me” in “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me” from 1999!

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OK – well now, Jaws and Mini-Me already seem like an unlikely combination, and when you add rotten herring and the Swedish Bikini Team to the pot, you’ve got yourself a REALLY strange brew…The show, as I said, featured Richard Kiel and Verne Troyer as they were whisked around Sweden in a bus on a two-week whirlwind tour of 12 Swedish cities.

Why twelve, you wonder?

Well – there are twelve months in a year, and during the recording of the show they had a photographer who took pictures that would be “specific” for the individual months, and then they made a calendar out of it.

The calendar was then sold via a phone number mentioned in the show, and the money went to… uhmmm, I don’t even remember what organization benefited from the calendar sales, and the calendar is no longer available either…

Maybe you can find a copy of it on eBay?!?

So – let’s get to the “typical” Swedish events that they experienced… or maybe ENDURED is a better word for it…

The first episode (May) brought the two (they had never actually met before they both got on the plane to come to Sweden) to a cold Eskilstuna (as the series continue, it gets colder and snowier, which adds to the silliness – summer events in the middle of winter!), where they held a “Första Maj-tåg/MAY DAY PARADE” - the 1^st of May is when worker unions and political groups go out to demonstrate. They also got to see Trollhättan, where they were invited to a “Förfest/BEFORE PARTY” and then got to experience the “Dansbandskväll/DANCE BAND EVENING”.

The next episode (February & March) took them to Tandådalen where they went to a “Pjäxdisco/SKI BOOT DISCO”. They also get to visit “Santa-land” outside of Mora, and of course they do their own version of the “Vasaloppet/THE VASA RACE” - not on skis, but on their electric scooters…

The third episode (June & July) was done at freezing temperatures, they went to Borlänge for the Studentexamen/STUDENT GRADUATION”. Then it was off to Västerås to meet the “Raggare/TEDDY BOYS”.

In the fourth episode (September & November), they went on the Finlandsbåten/FINLAND FERRY and learned about the “Riksdagens öppnande/OPENING OF THE GOVERNMENT” and sat through an Energy debate at the Swedish government.

Episode five (August & April), they went to Gotland and tried “Surströmming/FERMENTED HERRING” and took a trip to IKEA.

The last episode (December) brought them back to Stockholm, to celebrate both “Jul/CHRISTMAS” and “Nyår/NEW YEAR” - and Verne actually got to meet “The Swedish bikiniteam”!!!

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OK – so what did the two Americans think about all of this then?

Well… Let’s see what Richard said:

So, how did you like Sweden?
My wife Diane and I enjoyed it very much! We had been there before but always in the city, and we really enjoyed seeing the countryside and meeting the people there.

What was the most memorable experience?
That’s hard to say as there were several. Going to the island with the walled city (Visby) was one, and the first cruise to Aland. Seeing the ski resort, staying in the four-bedroom “cabin” having a gourmet dinner delivered, and going on a dog-sled ride. Seeing the castle and all the memorabilia inside. Mora and the race between Verne and I. Parliament and meeting the Speaker. There are so many more, it’s hard to pick just one.

Three words to describe the Swedes?
Big, strong, and handsome. Feminine, beautiful, fun-filled, shy, but not so after quite a few drinks.

What did you like most?
The happiness, the way the Swedes enjoyed singing their songs. The food.

What did you like the least?
That rotten fish delicacy. It reeked!!! Also the drunks at the Teddy Boy Club.

Which Swedish custom or tradition would you consider bringing in to your own life?
I can’t remember what you called it, but when you are quiet and drink coffee and eat seven kinds of cookies. (Richard means “FIKA”!)

What did you know about Sweden before you came?
I had been to Stockhom twice before with Diane, promoting the James Bond movies. We stayed at the Grand Hotel and visited that ancient ship being reconstructed (The Wasa Ship) and attended a dinner celebrating the crayfish festival. From this experience we liked Sweden and the Swedish people. We have a good friend, Maud Adams who played Octopussy in the 007 film of the same name, and she is from northern coastal Sweden and is real nice. We also know Britt Ekland, so my view of Swedish women was already that they are very intelligent, very nice and very beautiful. I have also been to Gothenburg and Malmo and liked that experience as well.

Would you consider living in Sweden?
Not with all our children and grandchildren living in the U.S. and nearby as well.

Would you come back to Sweden for a holiday?
Yes, we would like to do that.

If so, what time of year?
Spring, summer, or early fall. We saw enough winter for a while.

Did anything specially crazy happen on the road?
There was a drunk at the Teddy Boys (car) Club who came over to my table and started to arm wrestle me. I had been watching him, and pointed him out to our hostess Micaela and I said to her, “I found you a boyfriend!” She looked at him in shock as his eyes were rolling about in his head and then I said, “He is a bomb ready to go off.”
That was when he rushed our table and grabbed my hand and started to try and arm-wrestle me.

Verne was right next to me as was Micaela, and I was afraid for them that things could get out of hand. I pulled my hand away, and the drunk tried to grab it again so I gave him a quick Karate chop across the wrist and he fled.

Did you meet any beautiful Swedish girls?
About every 10 minutes.

Top three crazy events that took place during the trip:
1. The drunk event I told you about.

2. The drunk women at the singing contest who grabbed Verne and almost had him in a headlock trying to be romantic.

3. When they brought out that large tin of rotten fish (surströmming) and opened it and it started to gurgle like it had been fermenting and then this horrible aroma filled the air and Verne, Micaela and Patrik almost throwing up when they ate some. I was smart enough to just pretend I was eating it and to just take a bite of the cracker the fish was on instead.

And here’s what Verne said:

So, how did you like Sweden?
I loved it. Meeting all the great, kind, and generous people. The country is very beautiful. I just wish that when I was there that it wasn’t winter.
What was the most memorable experience?
I believe the most memorable was Gotland Island with all the ruins, there is so much history. Dog sledding in Sälen and going to Mora where we did the mock finishing of the ski race (Vasaloppet) from Sälen to Mora.

Three words to describe the Swedes?
Three words I would describe Swedes is friendly, kind, and they all like to have a “REALLY” good time.

What did you like most?
Going to Gotland Island.

What did you like the least?
The cold.

Which Swedish custom or tradition would you consider bringing in to your own life?
Fika.

What did you know about Sweden before you came?
Not a lot, the only thing I knew was the Swedish Bikini Team.

Would you consider living in Sweden?
I would love to be there in the summer time, I don’t know about living there when it is cold.

Would you come back to Sweden for a holiday? If so, what time of year?
Definitely, I want to go back to Gotland Island in the summer time.

Did anything specially crazy happen on the road?
Well in the beginning of the trip, as soon as we got there from the U.S., me and Richard were coming off the jet way at the airport on our scooters. I was in front of him and he was behind me. His throttle on his scooter stuck and rammed right into the back of my scooter, which sent me flying off my scooter through the air and landing on my head onto the very hard tile ground. I believe it knocked me out for about 15 to 20 seconds. That was my first experience in Sweden.

Did you meet any beautiful Swedish girls?
There were a lot of beautiful girls. On the last night we had a party at the Kings Castle and Patrick (who was our guide for the trip) had the Swedish Bikini Team show me how to play a Swedish board game, it had something to do with buying land and harvesting your crops to make money (“Bonde-spelet”). I can’t read Swedish and the girls didn’t really understand the game. So we just talked to each other about Sweden and other things while they were in their bikini tops. FUN, FUN.

Top three crazy events that took place during the trip:
1. Eating the rotten fish that came out of a can in Gotland. I can’t remember the name of it. They said it was a delicacy for Swedes. But everyone I talked to couldn’t eat it.

2. Me falling thru the air after Richard accidentally hit me and when Richard got into some deep snow and fell over.

3. The Viking contest ranks right up there.

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I have a little video from the production of the series, it is a local news report from Borlänge, I believe they are doing the Swedish “sing-along” thing here - very strange, I know!!!

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YouTube - “Verne Troyer and Richard Kiel sings Swedish songs in Borlänge, SWEDEN”

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Hmm – Verne kept talking about this Swedish Bikini Team during the series, and in the final episode he actually got to meet them!!!

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Now, wait just a minute!!!I am SWEDISH, how come I’ve never heard of the Swedish Bikini Team before?!?

Who ARE these blond bombshells anyway?!? I did some research – quite a LOT of research actually – and the first thing I stumbled upon was a BEER COMMERCIAL!

Apparently, these blond ladies appeared in beer commercials back in the early 90’s – not here in Sweden, but in the USA…

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YouTube - “Old Milwaukee commercial from the early 90’s featuring the original Swedish Bikini Team! It doesn’t get any better than this!”

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Milwaukee beer? The only thing I ever heard about Milwaukee and beer before… well, here, take a look:

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YouTube - Laverne & Shirley Show Opening - “1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8! You know the rest!”

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Yup, I knew about Milwaukee and the fact that they make beer there thanks to “Laverne & Shirley” - but I never heard anything about the Swedish Bikini Team before!!!

Hmm… I’ll have to let you follow my train of thoughts here… We started off with “Welcome to Sweden”, that led us to Jaws and Mini-Me, and then on to these mysterious ladies in blue and yellow. Milwaukee beer, Laverne & Shirley… wasn’t there a spoof on the opening scene in “Laverne & Shirley” in the first “Wayne’s World” movie? Yeah, they were going to Milwaukee to see an Alice Cooper concert… Hmm… that brings us BACK to Mini-Me, since the guy who played Wayne is the same guy that played Austin Powers… AND Doctor Evil, the one that Mini-Me was a miniature copy of…

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OK – so we had a Bond movie…

YouTube - James Bond & Jaws in “Moonraker” cable car fight

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… and then we had a comedy spy movie…

YouTube - Austin Powers: Dr. Evil & Mini-Me - Just the two of us

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… and what do you know – the Swedish Bikini Team actually appeared in a “spy comedy movie” as well! “Never Say Never Mind”!!!

(I’ve never heard of the movie, have you?!?)

Hmm… a quick look at a movie data base site tells me that the girls in the movie aren’t the ORIGINAL Swedish Bikini Team – they don’t look the same, and the names are completely different!

The ORIGINAL Swedish Bikini Team were Uma Thorensen, Karin Kristensen, Hilgar Oblief, Eva Jacobsen and Ulla Swensen.

This is where I really begin to scratch my head… “Hilgar Oblief”?!? Excuuuuuuuuuse me – that doesn’t even sound REMOTELY Swedish!

HAH! Just like I thought – they WEREN’T SWEDISH AT ALL!!!

Their REAL names were Avalon Anders, Suzanna Keller, Heather Elizabeth Parkhurst, Jane Frances and Peggy Trentini!!!

HA HA HA - THE SWEDISH BIKINI TEAM IS A MYTH, AND IT JUST GOT BUSTED!!!

The Swedish Bikini Team was a group of American female models who appeared in an advertising campaign for Old Milwaukee beer. These commercials ran for several months in 1991 in the United States, playing with American stereotypes of Scandinavian women being blonde and having big breasts. The premise of the commercials was that a group of bored or thirsty men were “saved” by the Swedish Bikini Team.

The team appeared outside of the commercial campaign on several occasions including on the cover and a pictorial in Playboy and on a Married… with Children episode, “The Gas Station Show”.

The team, played by different actresses, also starred in the video Never Say Never Mind: The Swedish Bikini Team with John Rhys-Davies.

Oh boy – sorry guys!

Well, if it’s any consolation to you, I can tell you that the NEW TEAM actually consisted of at least a FEW Swedish ladies… Here is the link to their website, but there hasn’t been any activity since 2006… Who knows, maybe they’ve disappeared as well, just like the OLD TEAM?

Yup – there you have it - the Swedish Bikini team weren’t any more Swedish than the girl who appeared in the movie “Cry Baby” with Johnny Depp:

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YouTube - Inga from Sweden - Scene from one of Johnny Depp’s earlier movies “Cry-baby”. Hilarious!

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However… the mere mentioning of the Swedish Bikini Team STILL makes men go CRAZY!!! Just watch this!

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YouTube - “Clip from Suite life of Zack & Cody” – just say “Swedish Bikini Team”!

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WELL, KIDS - you can all tell your Dads that unlike Santa Claus, the Swedish Bikini Team is just MAKE BELIEVE!!!

OK, OK… we DO have beer commercials here in Sweden too, and yes, there are blond bombshells in them - just watch THIS video and see what the blond Swedish beauties do “when they want to be themselves for a while”…

(The girl is Victoria Silvstedt, in case you wonder…)

Swenglish Rantings Radio - 070530

SwenglishRantingsRadio20070530.mp3